Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore
by phoenixnz
Summary: Songfic - after Crossfire. Clark can't fight his feelings for Lois any more. Oneshot


**I can't fight this feeling any longer  
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow**

Clark stood in the bullpen, going over and over the events of last night in his mind. It wasn't that Lois had almost been killed. That was pretty much an every day occurrence with someone as gutsy as Lois. No, it was the fact that she had gone on a blind date, all part of the setup with the show she'd auditioned for.

She'd begged and begged him to help her out, just this one time. Clark had remembered seeing the cameras and the studio lights and thinking why he had agreed to this. He wasn't a publicity kind of person. And he froze. He'd forgotten his lines – not that he'd had much to say. But then Lois had started bantering (nagging) and he'd forgotten about the camera. He couldn't help it when she was around. Somehow she managed to make the rest of the world just, well, not matter.

Until last night that was, and the blind date. Oliver had found out about it and had paid the guy she was supposed to meet – part of a segment on Internet dating for the show, turning up at her solitary table in the Ace of Clubs, which Lois had hired out for the night. To say that Lois had been surprised to see Oliver was an understatement.

But what had hurt Clark most was hearing Oliver's declaration of love. And Lois had immediately cut the scene, ordering the cameras away and she'd dragged Oliver away.

Chloe had given an exasperated sigh when Clark had told her what happened. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that he couldn't keep doing this. It was time to either put up or shut up, she said. Oliver had no qualms about fighting for the girl he loved. He was the Blur, for crying out loud, she said. Probably the strongest man on the planet. It was time he showed his mettle.

But as Clark stood just at the doorway to the bullpen, he knew he couldn't do it. He had known for some time he had feelings for Lois, but he'd fought them, even trying to rekindle his schoolboy crush over Lana. The trouble was, it had all been a lie and he knew it. He'd fallen for Lois Lane. He was just so afraid though. Afraid of what she might say. Afraid she might laugh in his face, tell him that she couldn't possibly love a geek like him.

**What started out as friendship has grown stronger  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show**

Clark remembered when they'd first started recognising that they actually had a mutual respect for each other. They drove each other crazy, of course. But he would do anything for Lois. In fact he had – several times. There was that time he'd asked Lex for a favour, to help Lois get entry into Met U after they'd yanked her acceptance and her father had made her enrol in Smallville High to get her credits.

Clark had told himself at the time that he'd only wanted to get her out of his hair. He kept trying to make himself believe that Lois was nothing but a pain in the neck and getting her away from Smalllville High and into Met U was the best way to do it.

But then Lucy Lane had breezed into town, and she'd got her older sister involved in some pretty dangerous stuff. Clark remembered going to the barn to tell Lois to come in for dinner and they'd ended up talking.

"Are we becoming friends now?" she'd said.

"I won't tell anyone if you won't," he'd smirked.

The night Lana had left him the 'Dear Clark' video – the same way she'd broken up with Whitney years ago – and Clark hadn't missed the irony of that, Lois had been there for him, the same as he'd been there for her so many times. He remembered her taking him in her arms as he silently cried, saying nothing about how he'd been a wuss for crying because the girl he'd thought he'd love forever had left him.

It hadn't mattered that he'd found out later on that Lana had been forced to make that video. It was the fact that she had escaped, and instead of coming right back to him in Smallville, she had gone off on a journey of self-discovery – all so she could get revenge on the person responsible.

He'd lost Lana, and now he was going to lose Lois too, if he wasn't careful. And wasn't it ironic that it was his best friend in both cases. Well, in Lex's case, former best friend.

**I tell myself that I can't hold out forever  
I say there is no reason for my fear**

Clark knew that fear stopped him. It stemmed from his childhood. His parents, well-intentioned though they might have been, had always warned him about revealing his powers in front of his friends. While Jonathan Kent had always tried to say that he believed in the best in everyone, he'd also made Clark afraid that any wrong move and even his friends would sell him out to some government lab, ready to do experiments on him. Jonathan Kent had had his own personal experiences of what someone would do for a price.

He'd feared his own abilities for so long that he wasn't sure he knew how to control himself. He couldn't settle anymore for just loving someone. He had to have it all. But he knew the longer he stalled on telling Lois how he felt, the easier it would be for someone like Oliver to swoop in and take what should be his.

His fears were irrational. He knew that. He'd already talked with Jor-El about the problem. Jor-El had told him that controlling his powers when with someone weaker was just the same as any other ability he'd had to learn to control. After all, he didn't break everything he picked up, and he didn't run at super-speed all the time. There had to be some amount of subconscious control. But he was still afraid, even knowing there was no reason for it.

**Cause I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction  
You make everything so clear**

It had taken Clark a long time to realise what had really been wrong with his relationship with Lana. There had always been a price tag attached to her love. And that price was his secret. He didn't have that same feeling with Lois. She challenged him. She treated him like a geek sometimes, but that was just Lois. And it sounded ironic, but he never felt more human than when he was with her.

She'd been the one to push him. She'd been the one to hand him the application to the Daily Planet and tell him to get off the farm and out into the real world. Despite all his initial misgivings, he realised she'd been right. And it was out of an unconscious need to make her proud of him that he'd gone out to help people. Albeit in secret.

**And even as I wander  
I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window  
On a cold dark winter's night**

Lois' disappearance had been the reason he'd given up on humanity. He'd told Chloe it was because of what had happened to Jimmy – what Davis, or at least the human side, had done. But it wasn't that at all. Clark had lost his light in the darkness. Lois had gone and he had no reason to fight that darkness any more.

That was why he'd chosen to call her as the Blur. She was his one link to humanity. And while she might have got frustrated at him for it, she would never know what it meant to him to hear her voice.

When she'd come back, it was like the sun shone again. And he knew he couldn't give up on humanity completely. Not while she needed him. The rest of humanity be damned. As long as Lois Lane had faith in him, kept him from losing himself in the darkness, he could keep fighting.

**And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might**

He knew she had her suspicions. She was too smart not to have picked up on a few clues. Like that time with the twins. He'd known then that she knew. And he'd come very close to telling her everything. But with the help from the super twins, and from Chloe, he'd managed to avert that little disaster. He would tell her one day. But on his terms.

**And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars forever**

Clark had forgotten the reason why he kept fighting his feelings. He knew Lois wouldn't push for his secret. In spite of the way she treated him, she respected him. Deep down, he thought with a half smile.

He had to start trusting his feelings. Trust in her. He couldn't keep using his abilities as a reason to hide from her any longer. Chloe was right. It was time to stop fighting his feelings.

Clark walked into the bullpen.

"Lois?"

Lois looked up from the paper she was reading, then glared.

"Can you believe this? Look at this. Apparently the powers that be decided a blonde rated better."

"Lois ..." he tried again.

But Lois was in full Lane rant and there was no way to stop her. No way but this, he thought. Grasping her by the upper arms, Clark pulled her into him, pressing his lips firmly to hers. And as he kissed her, it was like he was swept up in a whirlwind. He was done fighting his feelings. Now it was time to fight for her.


End file.
